Following Obama’s national monuments designation of a vast expanse of waters off the coast of Hawaii last Friday, throngs of tourists began swimming into the area from as far as the South China Sea. The newly appointed water preserve, now standing at a staggering 580,000 sq miles, became a hot attraction almost over night, tempting fishes from all corners of the world to make the pilgrimage to this safe haven.
The incredible influx of visitors have residents on edge.
“We just don’t have enough capacity to accommodate all the visitors, you know,” long time Hawaiian coral resident Blue-Eyed McFish explained, “I mean, it’s great for business and everything. And I appreciate that, but the neighborhoods just aren’t the same anymore. There’s just so much crap floating around.”
Literally. The piled up fish crap floating around Coral Bay has residents and visitors pooped out. The infrastructure has not had time to expand to meet the incoming demand.
In the quiet Reef neighborhood, violent fish on fish crimes have quadrupled over the last few days.
Mama Fish, mother of Baby Fish, complained, “These foreign fishes don’t know how to behave. They just swim right into our house and take whatever food they want then swim away with poop stuck to their ass. Seriously, don’t they know manners? So you know, the boys down the street have banded together to challenge some of these tourists. I don’t blame them.”
Some residents have even made plans to leave the preserve. “Man, I don’t wanna leave! But these tourist fishes are ruining our corals. I’d rather take my chances out there with sharks and the likes than stay here,” a frustrated resident said.
But the situation isn’t all bad for all citizens of this haven. Lito Fee Ish from a neighboring city is thriving from the tourism boom. “Business is good, you know. I mean, they’ll get the infrastructure in place soon enough. And yeah the fish crap is getting a little too much, but it’s nothing we can’t figure out. This is as much excitement as we’ve ever had around here. So yeah, I’m happy.”
For now, residents are hanging on and accepting the change, but it will take some planning and coordinating to get all the fishes to play nice with each other.